there are 2 really common types of jokes in English.
the first are doctor, doctor jokes e.g. doctor, doctor i feel like a pair of curtains ! pull yourself together man !! so it is a play on the expression to pull yourself together
doctor doctor i feel like a snooker ball ! get to the end of the queue (snooker cue/queue)
you can search the internet - or make one up yourself...
the other type are jokes which contain an englisman, a scotsman and an irishman - and one is usually very smart and the other one is very stupid...
e.g.
an englishman and a scotsman are involved in a car crash and they are both extremely lucky to survive. they are sitting at the side of the road when the scotsman says - "you know we are both extremely lucky to be alive - i think this calls for some whisky" and he goes into the back of his car and brings out a bottle of whisky and offers it to the englishman. the englishman drinks some whisky to celebrate the fact that he is still alive and offers it back to the scotsman - "no thanks" - says the scotsman "i'll just wait till the police get here !" (so the englishman will be charged with causing the crash through drunk driving) ( we say if you have to explain a joke it isn't funny !!!)
you can easily change it to an englishman, a spaniard and a portuguese man...
i would like one of each for homework please...
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3 comments:
I found very funny jokes on the internet, but I chose two that made me burst out laughing.
Here they are:
There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.
The Englishman was thinking: 'The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.'
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.'
And the Scotsman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that English b**tard again .
Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a dustbin.
Don't talk rubbish.
I hope you enjoy too!
See you tomorrow
These are some of the jokes I searched:
It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in.
'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says.
'That's cool.' says Bobby.
Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.'
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, 'Whaaaat?'
'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue's father, 'Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!'
Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!'
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly dishevelled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!'
Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing pink elephants.
Have you seen a psychiatrist?
No – only pink elephants.
My dad went to the doctor. He said, 'I think I'm an elastic band.'
The doctor said, 'Stretch yourself out on the couch.'
This man went to the doctor. He said, 'Doctor, my nose runs and my feet smell.'
The doctor said, 'You're built upside down.'
Did you hear about the elephant with diarrhoea?
It's all over town.
British jokes aren't all that funny but...
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.
Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!
Certainly, which way did you come in?
3 guys, 1 Irish, 1 English and 1 Scotch, are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The Irish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlKaZoom" the oceans were teaming with fish.
The English guy was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity.
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlkaZoom - POOF" there was a huge wall around England. The Scot asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Scot says, "Ach, fill it up with water."
and finally a poem:
Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone,
Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
Twenty rings to make Mr. T look cool,
Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool."
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